arundhati and poonam live far from each other, in different countries, in different time zones. they share a common vision though. polio man is an attempt to explore that through a series of pieces on issues close to their hearts.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

whores and other women

~ poonam

on this international women’s day, many bloggers wrote on street harassment in cities of india. i read a few of those posts - were well-written, thoughtful, angry and overall truthful, all derived from experience. in fact, this blog – polioman came into being because i, during one such event lost my cool and lashed out at the wrong guy completely. it was a mistake, but that’s the past now.

being groped and touched or even looked at by a complete stranger and most often the dirtiest of the lot, can make one feel all kinds of unpleasant feelings. raped, even. i know, i know, this may sound rhetoric, and frankly, it is. but only if you negate what one feels at that precise moment when a hand emerges from nowhere and touches you. *you*, you know.
this is important.

now let’s look at it this way. so a hand touched you, without you expecting the touch or permitting it. big deal! so that hand used you to derive pleasure for its person. so what? can you not tolerate an extremely short-lived touch? you felt humiliated for like couple of seconds before you made a dash for the train which was already stopping at the platform? or didn’t you go back to talking on the phone? or resumed shopping with the same fervour as before the event? so what the hell are we talking about? where does this pain and humiliation come from and more importantly where does it vanish?

now i for one, don’t know. but i do know that women have bigger issues than worry about high-on-libido jerk offs prying the streets. and this post is not about those women at all. this post is about women who deal with something similar, only the issue is greater, amplified like a thousand times. worse still, not only does it not come unexpected but it is packaged and presented as life. take it, unwrap it, feel happy about it, live with it or die. and it certainly is not just a hand anymore.

i don’t know what fascinates me about sex workers but something does. i suspect it’s the question: what goes on in their minds when men –all types, all sizes, climb over them and vent their frustrations while inside them. what goes on in their minds when at the end of this, they receive a measly sum, a fee for pleasure? what goes on in their minds when they give birth to a child without really knowing who the father might be? what goes on in their minds when their pimps undersell them, when their lovers ditch them, when their families live off them? what goes on their minds when there is dread all around? aids, and then there are the police. the illegal status to the profession, lack of basic facilities, unhygienic conditions, more competition. more unfortunate minors trafficked and made to lure customers who pay more for fresh, inexperienced maal. more stories of deceitful lovers, greedy families, poverty and squalor. and then their own stories which only know how to get drearier and darker.

now i read stories of some of these women who have faced it all with remarkable tenacity, they are averse to self-pity, they value self-respect, claim to have entered the profession by choice. they look at it as a job someone’s got to do. someone’s got to keep those friggin’ street harassers from going beyond groping and touching on the sly. think about it, these women might be doing a service to other women. to women like us, who can raise hell upon, dare i say, a mere touch. these may be the women who are keeping the men at bay. if you think this idea is crazy then maybe it is. but it doesn’t harm to think of it in absolute terms. 40-50-60 bucks for a fuck is as good a deal as it can get. and there is no real compulsion to wear a condom too. groping and touching on the sly can land a man in trouble, if the woman decides to hang up her call or stop shopping and come after him. but in a red light area, he can haggle and pay less to be loved in the way he likes, might be lucky enough to get away without paying at all. he is the customer and he is the king. in our world, he’s a parasite who has no right to live, let alone move freely on the streets doing as he wishes. really how can one stranger mean two diversely different things to two women for the same act?

an american author camille pagila has said, “the prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men but rather their conqueror, an outlaw who controls the sexual channel between nature and culture.” this is the crazy idea, spoken earlier, but the quote may not be completely true. the prostitute here is victimized every day and not necessarily by her customer alone. the law is a great contributor too. the illegal status to such a thriving industry really makes things worse than they ought to be. rough them, arrest them, file complaint, take bribe and release - this is possibly a weekly agenda for the local police.

physical abuse aside, the verbal insults are a way of life. on my recent fleeting visit to kamathipura, the cabbie who doubled up as our guide, pointed out to many ‘60 rupees’ women. i have come to believe that’s how they are slotted. reminds me of that song by john lennon: woman, she is the nigger of the world.

having said all this, i don’t know where am i going with this post or what am i trying to achieve. i don’t have ideas or solutions to offer. i just know that not acknowledging commercial sex workers as an important part of our society may not be a great idea. they are there for a purpose.

27 Comments:

Blogger Arundhati said...

Woah! Girl! ...way to go. I was fascinated by excerpt you sent me yesterday and greedy to read more! Now I am so proud of you. Thanks for posting this!

6:33 AM

 
Blogger ram said...

Well written poonam.
Legalizing it will give them protection, will help them a lot, but experts say it will help in growing the volumes, both organized and unorganized, there by getting more people in to this mind numbing situation. Its a vicious circle.

7:51 AM

 
Blogger poonam said...

KG: freakonomics should be good fun...will defn look it up. and yes danke!

aru: wow! thanks. and now polio man is looking at you. take heed. ;)

ram: thanks for the comment and the smses before that. and thanks for being such a sport when i asked to go to kamathipura.
i didn't know about the expert's view but if legalising helps MANY and traps additional FEW, then so be it. you gain some, you lose some. but i am more interested in knowing what will be effect on trafficking once the industry is institutionalised, if any at all.

5:34 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very good and thought provoking article. What could be the root cause of suffering? All human beings are physically same by birth then why are they made poor and rich? Why are some born only to suffer?

12:03 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poonam this is really a eye opening post,great job done for socitey.Bravo.

3:52 PM

 
Blogger poonam said...

anon 1: thanks. i am not wise enough to answer your questions..:) past life karma, maybe. else how do you explain the widespread disparity.

anon 2: thanks to you too. but i didn't do nothing for society. just exercising my head a little. nothing more so far. :)

1:15 AM

 
Blogger Ashish Gupta said...

what an eye opener!
feeling enlightened

May be Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho would make an interesting read for you :)
it did for me, though a bit saddistic. but one cannot expect such stories to be goody-goody!

10:11 AM

 
Blogger poonam said...

ashish: eye-opener, eh?
thanks a bunch.:)
and thanks for the link too.
have read the alchemist, did not appeal much, the brouhaha surrounding it did not help either. but eleven minutes, i just might pick up.

9:41 PM

 
Blogger ram said...

:), i think you are right about legalization, its their right, and the government should give it to them. about not letting the expansion of prostitution, its more like something the society should decide.

12:12 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seema:Very well came up with the
topic,hats off to your courage

3:43 PM

 
Blogger poonam said...

seema: thank you :)

ram: easier said than done. am sure there are hazaar things to factor in. every issue is so damn complicated.

12:21 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i remember reading kushwant singh article on sex workers many years ago and the article's gist was more or less what u have written "these women might be doing a service to other women"...infact he wrote that they are providing one of the most essential service to the society...otherwise our society will be hell with all the frustrated men roaming loose on the streets

6:37 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and about legalising...i am all for it...damn the "morality"...man being man will continue to go their...so atleast it wud help in improving the condition a little bit

6:40 AM

 
Blogger poonam said...

sherriff: morality can never be an option for such women.
as for men, being 'immoral', is their own personal choice. only it should not be construed as a right over others. not even over these women.
but i believe reality is far from theory. that's why legalising makes tremendous sense.

1:09 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

poonam, when i said "morality be damned"....what i wanted to say was that many people oppose legalising prostitution on the grounds of morality/ ethics...and yeah i am very clear that "immorality" of these man results into exploitaion of lakhs of women whom we call prostitute....question of "rights over other" doesnt arise at all

12:36 AM

 
Blogger poonam said...

oh! so you meant society’s morality? isn’t that an oxymoron in our country? we kill our little daughters, we rape women, we mistreat them, we are corrupt like no one’s friggin’ business, but no, we are worried about our morality being at stake when our own men visit these women, even when they have willing wives and girlfriends at home. really, how much more inane can we get?
as for the 2nd part of your comment: isn’t right over others, just another term for exploitation?

2:15 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting post, I bet you wouldn’t like the word “interesting” here. Anyways initially when I read the post thought I’ll come in here and blabber my stuff but once went I went thru few of the other comments, decided to be a bit more thoughtful with my writing.

Great post, great thought undoubtedly. I would be more concerned about gals gettin rapped and sexually assaulted than prostitutes.

The reason being – Choice

Prostitutes aren’t getting raped but are selling themselves. It aint prostitutes cant find a legal job, its just that they DON’T want to, specially when money can come in with minimal work, who would think of spending 8-9 hrs working in a factory.

These folks can whinge all day about issues they have abot family but would never think of taking up a legal job !!!

Prostitutes are prostitutes cuz they decide to be one, not cuz they don’t have an option.

5:36 AM

 
Blogger poonam said...

omg himu! you have me stunned, i don’t know where to start replying to your comment. would have found it easier to kick your mean ass.
what were you thinking, really? prostitutes decide to be prostitutes, because they are lazy? they choose to live in dire conditions, in midst of anti-social elements, devoid of societal support with the law against them, just to make a quick buck? how much money do you think they make, huh? i will tell you how much. you are making that trip to goldcoast, aren’t you? go there and get back, i can assure you, you will have spent more than they would make in months.

you know there is something called trafficking. thousands of minor girls from poor families are trafficked from countries like nepal and bangladesh into india…they are sold to brothels. they are FORCED into prostitution and this IS the reality. i did a very quick google search and found a UN report of 2003 that says an estimated 1.2 million children - both boys and girls - are trafficked each year, and a substantial number into commercial sex work.
still, you think it’s a choice women make?

himu, it’s not as simple as you think. if you take all this in consideration, you will know, being a prostitute is rarely about the pleasure or even money. it’s a shithole for these women, with no escape in sight. people like you and i, if we can help, let’s do that. if not, at least let’s not belittle them.

now want to settle scores with me? go ahead. :o

4:59 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

in few words "its lifetime of hell for them"

12:57 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seema:So far we have been talking
about whores,but now a days a
cocept of gigloos(male prostetutes)
is also spreading in the socitey
to add value addition to this business...again a cause of concern.

10:06 AM

 
Blogger poonam said...

seema: i don't think gigolos are a new concept or anything, but they certainly are not a cause for concern. for that matter, even women prostitutes are not a cause for concern. in fact that's my entire take in this post. i firmly believe they are doing good for society. they are necessary. as far as gigolos go, if ever they increase in numbers like women prostitutes have, it still won't be as bad for them. i mean, when was the last time, you heard a man getting raped or even molested. i mean am sure men get harassed and all of that, but the scale is ridiculously low compared to women.

11:06 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

guess im too late in commenting here but couldnt help myself
a brilliant post. i've read and geard many more arguments over legalising prostitution. But the point is, will it help any?
Its true that prostituion has been since long and is here to stay. And if anything needs to be done about it, it has to be concrete with a step wise priority scaling first the prostitutes, and then the people approaching them.

8:28 AM

 
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